"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger” - Camus, Albert
Here I am again, late at night, alone, thinking, hurting and reminiscence of the past. The past where I used to be a teenager. Tonight, I don't know why but now I remembered why there was one time (okay, maybe more than just once) in the past that I want to run away from home so badly. This pain in my heart, it hurts so bad. I knew that its the past, and I don't exactly remembered what and how it happened, but the feeling that I felt at that time linger in my heart forever, just like it is now. The feeling of unsatisfied, controlled, weak, helpless, afraid, anger and etc but just can't let it out.
I know that the teenager's time was a time where a person build their character and prepare for the next phase of life, guided and not just left hanging alone. When I look back at those times, it pissed me off. Those feeling from that time still haunt me today because the trigger is still the same. Yeah, I do have a lot of good memories from the past but when I go back home, I'm stuck in these horrible feeling again.
Yeah, I admit that I want to run away. Before and even now. But I just don't have the gut to do it before. I've got nowhere to go. But its different now that I got a job at a far away place. So, in the end I force myself to bear with it. Every family have problems. Mine as well. Words can be sharper than arrow and pierce my heart completely. It hurts. Everytime, everyday and everywhere I heard those stupid words.
Even now, I'm all grown up but still couldn't get away with it. I love my family like a lot but some people just took it for granted. FGS I'm not a child anymore, I'm 24 already. Stop making me feel like I'm nothing. Please wake up..Gush don't make me hates you cause I'm starting to..
"This pain is just too real, these wounds won't seem to heal, there's just too much that time cannot erase"
P/S: Just writing the words in my mind and the feeling that comes with it.
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